I’ve become an observer to my own self

So I took this course where every day you clear something. Because I was feeling a bit stuck, and unmotivated.

We cycle, right. I mean we all do – our emotions. We have good days and bad, strong, and vulnerable, motivated types, and days where we just want to be blah.

Well I had too many blah days adding up, and I knew I had to find something, bring in a fresh set of eyes to help me figure out why I was feeling so blah. Life was mundane, and I wanted more.

I was planning on journaling through it anyway – and I am so glad that I did. It’s so much more than about clearing “stuff”. It really brought me in touch with reasons for why I do certain things. And you know me – I’m all about processing.

And processing – WOW! Why am I like this?

As a result I’ve become an observer to my own self – my habits and patterns in a way that I hadn’t before. I learned something I didn’t want to come to terms with, even though I had the hunch that I might have been doing it. I thought I was special, and not like everyone else. But I am just like everyone else – and I am living under the adoption of someone else’s fears.

I was walking my dog this morning – this is when things become most clear for me – fresh air, trees, a relaxing stroll – at other times the intended walk for fitness, and the compassion for this creature that I care for. My focus on the compassion towards my dog doesn’t feel like it fits in there, does it? But it does! Because I have to exhibit patience, restraint, leadership, and caution for him – I’m on a different level of doing than I do for myself. These little mundane tasks bring me back into perspective to why I do what I do for you.

At about 265 days in, and I began to ask the bigger questions, and they were highly personal. I mean that was my goal for taking the course, but I took note that I was in fact doing that. I began challenging myself.

Something that is in my father that I don’t agree with, is inside of me.

All the experts say that people are in your life to teach you, and to recognize that when you don’t like something about someone, that it’s actually something that you don’t like about yourself. It’s a mirror behavior.

I don’t feel like my father and I have much in common – we have different religious and political agendas, we have totally different ways of operating tasks. But we do have a similar sense of independence. And we (have) similar attitudes when it comes to why to get something done. And that last one – the attitude – I always used to think I liked that, that it bonded us. But this attitude as much as I enjoy it – it just doesn’t work for me anymore. It was creating friction, and I was genuinely confused as to how to approach this.

I don’t remember it being a source of friction before, why did it change? Because I changed. I grew. I developed. I shifted. My approach to life is from a new perspective. My stance and reason hold new positions. My father and I have different life experiences after all.

One would think that a new way for doing life, for improving life, and recognizing where it comes from should be easy to do – but I found it to be a bit hard. Yes, I struggled with it. Because in order to do so, I had to let my father inside me go, and I had to meet my self. I got to create who I really want to be. …This is not the same as figuring out what you want to be when you grow up.

Creating who you are to become is to be done gently, mindfully, strategically – because you’re wise now. You now understand what consequences means. You’ve felt failure, fear, and you built a wall around your heart for protection. Creating who you are to become means you become vulnerable – to the nth degree. It means you have to be creative, willing, and ready. You know you have to tear down those walls, only to build new ones. You teeter on creativity because you think you need a template. You learned those lessons – now you have to go through them again, but expect different outcomes. Because you can’t undo.

Back to processing – It was enough motivation for me to realize that my attitude wasn’t mine – for me to want to change it. I like to be responsible. I like to say I’m authentic. I want to speak from my heart – not anyone else’s. And that means this part of me was calling to be healed, and I opened myself up to my purpose.

Purpose! That’s another one. Purpose isn’t about a career change, or job, or title – it’s about why we’re here. It’s about teaching the unconditional language of LOVE. It’s about unity, and harmony.

And to love others, you must first love yourself. And this is a process.

So me honoring my true self, discovering, creating who I really am and who I want to be in life, so that I can do in life. And you can too.

Just do it. Nope. It doesn’t work that way. There are layers to sift through. Tools are needed to cut through the stains (wounds). Relationships change as you shift, and others don’t make the cut. There’s constant adjustment happening. You’re always learning. You’re always adapting. The key is to keep strategizing.

How exciting is that?! To allow the innocence to lead you. That’s the part I’m excited about – the changing. I’m stepping into my innocence. Because at too young an age I was told to instead step forth with fear. And I have been imprisoned ever since. My attitude was to go in strong, and demand my presence. To be a force. To make sure everyone knew what I needed.

So many people take me for being a strong woman. And really, I do still agree – I am strong, because I did overcome – a lot. But I want more peace in my life now. I no longer want to always have to be up against the resistance. My energy has always flowed out, and I’m growing tired. Like everyone I have a self-care practice, but it’s more than that. My true self is a peaceful woman. She’s ready to face whatever, because of her wisdom. She can do so with grace because she’s had lessons. People emulate her because she has the where-with-all. It isn’t really strong when it comes from fear. Now, I feel, it is stronger to approach from Love. And that’s almost uncommon. It’s not what we see on TV. It’s not in the streets. Fear creates drive. But Love is a driver. Love is a force much easier to receive with, once you learn how easy it feels. It’s easier to give with Love, if only you’re brave enough to really try it, step into it.

  • Lisa Karasek is an expert Quantum Healer. Using ancient, multi-dimensional healing and angelic energies, Christ-Consciousness-based practices, and TRE® (tension and trauma releasing exercises) to guide individuals through their alleviation of struggle. Lisa is able to update her client’s states of being and assist in their healing, powerfully guiding them to a healthier, happier, and more purposeful life. Lisa is dedicated and passionate about helping you work with the dynamics of your self-relationship and believes this is the key to most Mind Body Spirit disease and illness. Lisa Karasek is Certified as an Eating Psychology Coach, TRE® Facilitator, Energy Healer, and is an Intuitive. Find more information about her and her programs at www.LK-CEPC.com.

 

Advertisements

My body’s physiology is something I am very tuned into

Yes, I have experienced emotional anguish – you know this, I’ve not hidden it. Recently I joined a writing group because I know I have a lot to say – much more to say – to you. Yes, You. It’s not that I neglect you or don’t sit with you, I have been having trouble opening up to you – fully, Authentically. Because for some people who hurt – that’s not so easy to do. And I really want you to understand that I understand you.

The group I joined provides writing prompts, and often poems flow about. I will be the first to admit I was never a big fan of poetry – in fact the very first piece I published on Medium was about not being a fan or a writer. But for some reason it flows out of me rather easily. I appear to need a nudge from a support person saying that it’s safe to do. I joined the group in hopes that I will become my own provider and feel the safety and express my self – to you.

And in fact – as far back as 2016 I was publishing my feelings on Medium.com. And my assignment in group this week is to share – share something new or old, borrowed or beloved. So I am sharing with you something I published in 2016, as I was emerging from my wounded pit.

the lines are well defined

those that can be seen

in front of her eyes

my breath labored and

my heart is fast paced

Alert this is to that pain

Pain Pain go away

and find yourself a new way

it doesn’t have to be so

rapid heart and relaxed breath

now that is something to see

For she has reached a new stage

one she feels comfortable preaching upon

and erase the lines and focus on thine eyes

and feel the present from each new day

Here is the original post

I was learning to feel in my body what I was experiencing in my life. You often hear me talk about physiology – it seems to be my drive. My body’s physiology is something I am very tuned into, always have been – but now for real for real tuned in. Because I did climb out from that pit, and I staked my claim on the ground, intentionally, to imprint my steps for you to find.

 

Accomplishments

Recently a friend of mine posted on his facebook page a list of his accomplishments, to impress that doing so is not an act of selfishness. I read his list and was so inspired that I went on to my personal page and created my own list. It was easy, I rolled it out in a few minutes. Then – I must have read that list I don’t even know how many times. Even I swelled up. I am very proud of myself. Why did I read it over and over? Because I felt excitement with my list. No feelings of being braggy or dramatic, no discomfort, nothing awkward feeling, no guilt, no need to hide anything. In fact I smiled – hard. And the thing about my list is these are my accomplishments – on the side. I did a lot of these things while in school, while working full time, and with many personal projects going.

Some moments (days, weeks, episodes) in life can be dreary. And too often it’s easy to focus on the icky stuff, even thinking we have to be better, or just get through it.

What if you wrote out your list today, and shared it with your most personal circle of friends?

When is the last time you invited someone to honor you – just because?

How do you think you’ll be received? What’s keeping you from writing it? Sharing it? How do you feel when you read your list? If you’re having trouble writing your list, it’s time to explore the reasons why you are struggling. I invite you to have a conversation with me about making your list.

UNADJUSTEDNONRAW_thumb_2aa6.jpg Here’s my accomplishments list:

– I was a professional Polynesian dancer for 13 years
– I was a dj, have built stages and did lighting and sound for touring bands – in small venues, and also for concerts at stadiums
– I taught intrapersonal skills at UofMD for 7 years
– I taught adults a trade and was nationally recognized as an expert in my field for 5 years
– I delivered my nephew
– I broke my physical body in half (literally and unintentionally) and taught myself how to walk again
– I owned and operated a spa/wellness center
– my Spa had a 5 star rating and was recognized and published in a national magazine. Also won best of Baltimore awards 2 years in a row
– I overcame abuse, PTSD and victimhood and now I teach others how to do it for themselves
– I completely changed my life, started over from nothing after a traumatic life experience
– I have mentored survivors from abuse, trafficking
– I found my purpose in life
– I have been given a second chance at life and I’m making the most of it
– animals are my children
– I have repaired strained familial relationships
– I work in the healing arts and I help people change their lives
– I am an Ordained Priest
– I communicate with the other side
– I have slept in about 40 of the domestic United States
– I once exclusively spent a New Years eve with the New York ballet company

( Please feel free to share yours )  

Gratitude

IMG_5021

This past week I have been working on connecting with my Root Chakra. With that there is a level of reflection necessary to understand from where it is that I come from. As I join my family this morning in front of the tv to watch the parade I take it all in a little differently. I am thinking about them next to me on the couch and we as a unit, but also them – when they were young and in front of the tv with their siblings and parents this holiday, and what their mornings may have felt like. What was cast aside to make the day special? What was done differently to make the day special? For whom was this truly a special day, and why?

Some of the Root queries I reflected on this week invited me to investigate the beliefs I have aquired, and to recognize and appreciate every person in my family in the same way. My Root is calling me to Action, challenging me to nurture my self. To take inventory of my basic needs and balancing that with what I have. It’s calling me to be present and in awareness in every moment.

I also happened to be reading a book right now called The HIdden Life of Trees by Peter Wohlleben (I highly recommend it!). On page 82 Peter propositions Do trees have brains?  It is widely accepted that the root network of trees is in charge of all chemical activity, including chemical messages and neurological activities. Trees can learn, they plan ahead, they strategize against toxicity, and they require fair living environments. Trees live as family units. Trees also don’t thrive when they are isoloated.

My Root Chakra governs my basic survival needs, and because it carries the quality of my ancestors, my culture and my connection to mother earth, it requires a present day foundation of stability. It is my job to hold this awareness, to reunite my energy so that I may draw upon the earths wisdom. I am to RECONNECT, RECLAIM, and INTEGRATE. So I explore creatively a few generations back – the ones before tv and the broadcast parades, before big cities and telecommunication, before cars and highways. I acknowledge my present day mood and my beliefs and I honor the struggles of those who came before me to better understand  ME. For this I am grateful.