I wanted a life, and I knew I deserved one

All I ask is that as you read this, you do so with the compassion and awareness that I had to grasp as I experienced these events. What I am about to say has never left my brain, has never been admitted, or spoken out loud, until now.

What I’m about to share are the types of things we keep to ourselves. They are our highly personal feelings of shame, and the stories we want to bury forever.

When I was in the beginnings of my healing journey my body physiology was so fucked up that I lost control of my bowels and my bladder. I was so devastatingly stressed out that for a long period of time – like a year or two or three – I needed adult diapers. I had nothing medically wrong with me, it was literally the level of stress I was holding.

At first I wasn’t prepared, and I had to be on alert – scanning the streets and sidewalk for other people, so they wouldn’t see when I peed or messed my pants. I layered, so I could tie a shirt or sweater around my waist. My poor dog, so many walks were cut short.   

I always – I’m talking every hour, every day, for a few years – felt like I had to go. But I couldn’t recognize when it would come. I would try to go before I left the house, even if it was just to walk my dog around the block. But it didn’t matter, we’d be just far enough that I couldn’t jaunt back, just far enough that he was ready and going. Just far enough that even if I turned around right there and then, home was too far away for me to make it. I was just as vulnerable and exposed out on the street as he was. My shame was heavy.

My whole body was upset all the time – like for the full 24 hours, day after day after day. My stomach was always knotted, my lungs always pumping, and my heart always pounding. I was constantly trying to calm myself down – with breathing, counting, stilling myself, and endless compassionate self-nurturing conversations.

I hated leaving the house.

Even though I was at that point safe, I was still suffering from the trauma, and I had a very difficult time letting go. I was diagnosed with Complex PTSD.

It all came about as a result of what I had lived through. I was forced back home, to live with my parents; I was in my early forties. The pressure I put on myself around that, and the inabilities to take care of myself in every way, only added to my stress, and I created a whole new paradigm of toxic cause and affect.

I just couldn’t hold myself together.

All of the things required to make a healthy human were missing for me – sleep, routine, menstrual cycles, people, something to look forward to – all missing.

I was a mess. And added to everything, I lived with pain from breaking my back.

My cognitivity was so suppressed, productivity was absent, and any kind of motivation felt like I was hanging from an insanely high cliff. My fingertips were scraping the edge, and I was slipping, slowly.

That edge made for a dangerously distorted sense of reality, and I was unable to be a nice person. I slapped my mother across her face. I screamed into the face of my 7 year old niece to fuck off. I was perpetually on a rant with everyone, and I honestly did not think it was possible to overcome any of this.

Every time I had to throw away my underwear, and take another shower, I cried. Every conversation that I pleaded, screamed, and demanded – they each made me cry. No matter how hard I apologized, I couldn’t take it back. I couldn’t erase what I had done. Together we have these memories to live with, I cannot lie. I cried because I recognized I was a horrible person. I isolated myself because I was a monster.

I hated this version of me. 

The hate I felt for myself was strong enough to want change. I didn’t want to always have to cry. I wanted to know if I was stuck to live with such a fucked up and broken body. I truly wanted healthy relationships in my life. I wanted a life. And I knew I deserved one – I knew I had done nothing wrong.

It took me years to get what I wanted, but I did it. As the swell of desire rose in me, the more shift I felt. There were so many ways I tested and tried to find me, and I eventually stopped the need to cry. I had to learn how to be me, the me I wanted to be. I am forever grateful for the strength I had, I honestly couldn’t tell you how I found it some days.  

When I tell people I used to live from a place of anger it’s hard for them to believe.

I know now that some of that anger was learned, and transferred behavior – I was reflecting back how I was treated, and showing myself what I didn’t like. I didn’t want to be doing to others what was done to me. The rest of the anger was what I was holding inside, I was no longer willing to suffer in silence – it was my cry for help.

I was able to get through so many events, so many days, that were absolutely devastating and disgraceful, because I had compassion. Without compassion in each of my situations, I wouldn’t have made it. Thankfully I had enough to want more.

That me that I used to be, she’s gone. I did the work to move past all of that anger with the help of many.

What more do you want?

We’re each on our journeys, and we can all do it.

Lisa Karasek, author in The Ultimate Guide to Self-Healing Techniques; 25 Home Practices & Tools for Peak Holistic Health & Wellness. An expert Quantum Healer, TRE® Certified Facilitator and Certified Eating Psychology Coach, who is able to update her client’s states of being to assist in healing. Using ancient, multi-dimensional healing and Holistic Metamorphosis® (an angelic energy healing modality), consciousness-based practices, and TRE® (tension and trauma releasing exercises), Lisa powerfully guides her clients to a healthier, happier, more purposeful life. Lisa is dedicated and passionate about helping you work with the dynamics of your self relationship and believes this is the key to most Mind Body Spirit disease and illness. Find more information about her and her programs.

Are you ready?

I “came out of the closet” as a healer only recently – as I grew comfortable referring to myself as a Quantum Healer.

As you could probably imagine – me, an ordinary and common girl living in a big city, surrounded by adopted (stubborn) values and opinions of all kinds, with no big world adventures under her belt, and no real connection to what I thought at the time was something that only “special” people did. All I was thinking at the time was I wanted somethng bigger for myself.

Something kept turning me. When I would begin to walk down the path I was accustomed to, something always caught my attention and made me curious, made me want to explore a different path with different views. And I did that inner work, and I became detective, and I wanted to understand what was really driving me. Eventually I relaxed into trusting. I even remember saying out loud I have no idea why i am doing this, it’s like I’m crazy. But I went for it. Now, it feels more than right, and it feels good to be able to support myself in what I believe I have been called to be and do.

For everything there is a process and only those who have decided to make such a big and life changing move understand that this is so much more than changing offices, job titles, or companies – this is about listening to that call. Deciding to say no to all the distractions, all the fears (even the good kind of fears, like is this really a smart move? How will I pay my bills?), and all of the comforts we are so nestled in definitely speaks to who we are and what we are capable of. And in order to pull all that off you need bravery in your pocket.

We are all on a mission – to be happy, to feel love, and to live the life of our dreams. Deciding to stop listening to everyone, to stop accomodating, to postpone no more, and to begin to do from what feels right (not from what’s right, or smart by other peoples standards), and to start exploring the possiblities and moving forward towards a new reality – is a huge deal! You have to allow yourself to become, to embrace, really it’s allowing vulnerability – in the most vulnerable of ways. You have to have new and consistent dialogues with yourself, checking in, and really feel into what’s right. Becasue chances are what you’re exploring – doesn’t have a compass or a roadmap. Chances are no one’s been there before. You have only yourself to rely on. And the best way to keep your footing while on the journey – is to find the support you absolutely need.

It’s great if a loved one or best friend knows how to support you unconditionally, always able to pick you up when you feel you chose an impossible mission – but the reality is we need to be able to find what we need in our own selves – in our own hearts and brains, in our own guts and emotions. It can often feel dark in there – but we have to tap into that drive that will bring us into our light.

Guidance on tapping into your own authentic desires, releasing the conditioning habits and patterns that no longer align with our desires, and truly healing ourselves from everything that has brought us to this point so that we can move forward easily and comfortably is all a necessary part of the process. And you absolutely can do this yourself – but there will always be moments when you will have questions, and in need of a fresh perspective. Aligning yourself Mind Body and Spirit is the order you’re looking at.

Lisa Karasek is an expert Quantum Healer, TRE® Certified Facilitator and Certified Eating Psychology Coach, who is able to update her client’s states of being to assist in healing. Using ancient, multi-dimensional healing and angelic energies, Consciousness-based practices, and TRE® (tension and trauma releasing exercises), Lisa powerfully guides her clients to a healthier, happier, more purposeful life. Lisa is dedicated and passionate about helping you work with the dynamics of your self relationship and believes this is the key to most Mind Body Spirit disease and illness.

A quick story about Gratitude

I began my daily practice of gratitude years ago when I went through a rough time in life and I hit my bottom. I wasn’t suicidal per se, but I was ready to accept death if it happened.

Beginning my daily practice of finding something that made me smile (which is actually very hard to do when you’re as depressed and hopeless as I was), and a gratitude list is what showed me my courage – and that led me to my strength.

What and who I was grateful for just a few years ago were very different than what I express now. Looking back I wrote things like: my dog made a funny look on her face today when she pooped in the neighbors tree box – that made me smile. … Because of those silly things, in time I started to laugh.

I do have to be an active participant in my journey. And having someone, or a group of people, helping me is even better, sometimes even a blessing. I was on my healing journey and at a point where I wanted my body to be strong again – I needed my body to feel strong again – so that emotionally I could feel strong and find courage to keep trying for what I wanted. Around this time I met a personal trainer that I could not afford, but I managed to squeek out a few sessions with him – enough to take some notes, to feel some inspiration, and I created a plan and routine for myself. This also helped me realize that I once had the ability to do this for myself, only I had forgotten.

Forgetting how to take care of yourself is very humbling. It only takes one small gesture, and then your whole world begins to change. Sometimes people see, and so they help. Others, like GB the personal trainer probably never knew what was driving me those few times we met. But I was with myself 100% of the time. I cannot even begin to sit here and write out the many ways I have grown since then. Hell, I probably don’t even know them all myself – these are the sorts of things that trickle out over time. Making the connections is the importance of the lesson, and then doing something with what you learned.

I still need to actively seek gratitude and courage. I have to remember. I still need to be conscious of when I’m not smiling. I still need to find my patterns. These things truly keep my head on straight. It’s about priority and it’s about choice. Because I want life experience. A better one. I want happiness. I want to feel joy. I don’t want to feel hurt. I don’t want to feel wounded. So I practice – daily. And now when you look at my list, you will find entries like: I am grateful for meeting RB – she is such an inspiration, and because of her I can see things in a new way, and I feel better.

Isn’t it remarkable how you find what you need when you need it, not even yet fully realizing what it will ultimately give you?! Sometimes it may take years and many cycles of something working itself out to realize what a gift it truly is. You do have to be an active participant in your journey, all the time.

Lisa Karasek is a Quantum Healer and Intuitive Practitioner able to powerfully transform your state of being by guiding you to a healthier, happier, and more purposeful life using ancient, multi-dimentional healing modalities, angelic energies, and consciousness based practices. Lisa is passionate and dedicated to helping you work with the dynamics of your Authentic Self Relationship.

Call me weird, but this is when I get really excited

There is just so much in my head 
ALL. THE. TIME. 

I mean always. 

I have way more creative sparks and wants than I could ever keep up with – you should see my To-Do List, it’s fucking ridiculous! 

Partial amounts of what I want reaches you. And to boot – call me ethereal. I fall into the stereotype of being flighty, flaky, not organized, not – whatever you want to call it. I will admit it – I do come across that way. But it’s really not my truth.

The real story is I’m too intelligent, too organized, too caring, too thoughtful, too jazzed, and too damn busy. 
It’s not that I’m incapable of accomplishing anything I start, shit, I hardly get to start enough of what I want to. 

The LISTS!! OMG the lists I have! 
Ideas. Ideas. Ideas!
… and then more ideas! 

Energy. Time. Capability. Budget. Collaboration. Ability. 

I need to sleep too.

I use a scheduling application for my email because Im one of those people who schedule when I want emails to be sent:
1) to stay on top of things I write them while I’m inspired and it’s fresh, and schedule them to send later, when they’re supposed go & 2) because often I’m replying to emails at an ungodly hour and I don’t want you to know it. 

But I do sleep, I promise. I just don’t sleep in a fashion to others.

Mostly I manage – I jump. From list to idea to priority to what I want personally, and I circle back, start again.  
I try. I do my best, and some days I get more done than other days. And you know what – that’s ok. Because there’s always tomorrow. 

The good news is that with all these ideas, and thank god I keep the lists – every once in a while I reorganize and restructure them – and turn them into something else, and then that becomes ready. 

Then they are the magic that reaches you. 
They are exactly what needs to be heard -now.

I love how this works. 

I’ve been this way all my life. It used to frustrate me, thinking I was deficient. But now I embrace my process, and I see the beauty of the creation that it is. 
Things need to churn in my world. 

It’s when things (ideas, moments, desires) don’t become fruitful that I address them. I ask – what’s really going on here? What is the hangup, really?

Some times I realize that it wasn’t a good idea, or, and I can let it go. 

Most of the time it turns out to be something that I had an energetic block for. 
Yes – when I say Energetic – I mean ENERGETIC – Spiritual – it involves my soul, who I really am, and what my soul really is all about. I have something to uncover at this point. 

Call me weird, but This is when I really get excited.
I Love doing the work on myself. I love knowing that I am working towards being authentically me. 
AND Because who I am is someone who loves to help you. And the more I learn, the more steps I take, the more I understand – the better I can help you in discovering what’s truly yours. 

If there’s something that you want to accomplish, and are having trouble achieving it – take a moment and remind yourself that you are worth the investment. 

To schedule a guidance session go to:
https://LKCEPC.10to8.com

Lisa Karasek is a Quantum Healer and Intuitive Practitioner able to powerfully transform your state of being by guiding you to a helathier, happier, and more purposeful life using ancient, multi-dimentional healing modalities, angelic energies, and consciousness based practices. Lisa is passionate and dedicated to helping you work with the dynamics of your Authentic Self Relationship.

I’ve become an observer to my own self

So I took this course where every day you clear something. Because I was feeling a bit stuck, and unmotivated.

We cycle, right. I mean we all do – our emotions. We have good days and bad, strong, and vulnerable, motivated types, and days where we just want to be blah.

Well I had too many blah days adding up, and I knew I had to find something, bring in a fresh set of eyes to help me figure out why I was feeling so blah. Life was mundane, and I wanted more.

I was planning on journaling through it anyway – and I am so glad that I did. It’s so much more than about clearing “stuff”. It really brought me in touch with reasons for why I do certain things. And you know me – I’m all about processing.

And processing – WOW! Why am I like this?

As a result I’ve become an observer to my own self – my habits and patterns in a way that I hadn’t before. I learned something I didn’t want to come to terms with, even though I had the hunch that I might have been doing it. I thought I was special, and not like everyone else. But I am just like everyone else – and I am living under the adoption of someone else’s fears.

I was walking my dog this morning – this is when things become most clear for me – fresh air, trees, a relaxing stroll – at other times the intended walk for fitness, and the compassion for this creature that I care for. My focus on the compassion towards my dog doesn’t feel like it fits in there, does it? But it does! Because I have to exhibit patience, restraint, leadership, and caution for him – I’m on a different level of doing than I do for myself. These little mundane tasks bring me back into perspective to why I do what I do for you.

At about 265 days in, and I began to ask the bigger questions, and they were highly personal. I mean that was my goal for taking the course, but I took note that I was in fact doing that. I began challenging myself.

Something that is in my father that I don’t agree with, is inside of me.

All the experts say that people are in your life to teach you, and to recognize that when you don’t like something about someone, that it’s actually something that you don’t like about yourself. It’s a mirror behavior.

I don’t feel like my father and I have much in common – we have different religious and political agendas, we have totally different ways of operating tasks. But we do have a similar sense of independence. And we (have) similar attitudes when it comes to why to get something done. And that last one – the attitude – I always used to think I liked that, that it bonded us. But this attitude as much as I enjoy it – it just doesn’t work for me anymore. It was creating friction, and I was genuinely confused as to how to approach this.

I don’t remember it being a source of friction before, why did it change? Because I changed. I grew. I developed. I shifted. My approach to life is from a new perspective. My stance and reason hold new positions. My father and I have different life experiences after all.

One would think that a new way for doing life, for improving life, and recognizing where it comes from should be easy to do – but I found it to be a bit hard. Yes, I struggled with it. Because in order to do so, I had to let my father inside me go, and I had to meet my self. I got to create who I really want to be. …This is not the same as figuring out what you want to be when you grow up.

Creating who you are to become is to be done gently, mindfully, strategically – because you’re wise now. You now understand what consequences means. You’ve felt failure, fear, and you built a wall around your heart for protection. Creating who you are to become means you become vulnerable – to the nth degree. It means you have to be creative, willing, and ready. You know you have to tear down those walls, only to build new ones. You teeter on creativity because you think you need a template. You learned those lessons – now you have to go through them again, but expect different outcomes. Because you can’t undo.

Back to processing – It was enough motivation for me to realize that my attitude wasn’t mine – for me to want to change it. I like to be responsible. I like to say I’m authentic. I want to speak from my heart – not anyone else’s. And that means this part of me was calling to be healed, and I opened myself up to my purpose.

Purpose! That’s another one. Purpose isn’t about a career change, or job, or title – it’s about why we’re here. It’s about teaching the unconditional language of LOVE. It’s about unity, and harmony.

And to love others, you must first love yourself. And this is a process.

So me honoring my true self, discovering, creating who I really am and who I want to be in life, so that I can do in life. And you can too.

Just do it. Nope. It doesn’t work that way. There are layers to sift through. Tools are needed to cut through the stains (wounds). Relationships change as you shift, and others don’t make the cut. There’s constant adjustment happening. You’re always learning. You’re always adapting. The key is to keep strategizing.

How exciting is that?! To allow the innocence to lead you. That’s the part I’m excited about – the changing. I’m stepping into my innocence. Because at too young an age I was told to instead step forth with fear. And I have been imprisoned ever since. My attitude was to go in strong, and demand my presence. To be a force. To make sure everyone knew what I needed.

So many people take me for being a strong woman. And really, I do still agree – I am strong, because I did overcome – a lot. But I want more peace in my life now. I no longer want to always have to be up against the resistance. My energy has always flowed out, and I’m growing tired. Like everyone I have a self-care practice, but it’s more than that. My true self is a peaceful woman. She’s ready to face whatever, because of her wisdom. She can do so with grace because she’s had lessons. People emulate her because she has the where-with-all. It isn’t really strong when it comes from fear. Now, I feel, it is stronger to approach from Love. And that’s almost uncommon. It’s not what we see on TV. It’s not in the streets. Fear creates drive. But Love is a driver. Love is a force much easier to receive with, once you learn how easy it feels. It’s easier to give with Love, if only you’re brave enough to really try it, step into it.

  • Lisa Karasek is an expert Quantum Healer. Using ancient, multi-dimensional healing and angelic energies, Christ-Consciousness-based practices, and TRE® (tension and trauma releasing exercises) to guide individuals through their alleviation of struggle. Lisa is able to update her client’s states of being and assist in their healing, powerfully guiding them to a healthier, happier, and more purposeful life. Lisa is dedicated and passionate about helping you work with the dynamics of your self-relationship and believes this is the key to most Mind Body Spirit disease and illness. Lisa Karasek is Certified as an Eating Psychology Coach, TRE® Facilitator, Energy Healer, and is an Intuitive. Find more information about her and her programs at www.LK-CEPC.com.