I’ve become an observer to my own self

So I took this course where every day you clear something. Because I was feeling a bit stuck, and unmotivated.

We cycle, right. I mean we all do – our emotions. We have good days and bad, strong, and vulnerable, motivated types, and days where we just want to be blah.

Well I had too many blah days adding up, and I knew I had to find something, bring in a fresh set of eyes to help me figure out why I was feeling so blah. Life was mundane, and I wanted more.

I was planning on journaling through it anyway – and I am so glad that I did. It’s so much more than about clearing “stuff”. It really brought me in touch with reasons for why I do certain things. And you know me – I’m all about processing.

And processing – WOW! Why am I like this?

As a result I’ve become an observer to my own self – my habits and patterns in a way that I hadn’t before. I learned something I didn’t want to come to terms with, even though I had the hunch that I might have been doing it. I thought I was special, and not like everyone else. But I am just like everyone else – and I am living under the adoption of someone else’s fears.

I was walking my dog this morning – this is when things become most clear for me – fresh air, trees, a relaxing stroll – at other times the intended walk for fitness, and the compassion for this creature that I care for. My focus on the compassion towards my dog doesn’t feel like it fits in there, does it? But it does! Because I have to exhibit patience, restraint, leadership, and caution for him – I’m on a different level of doing than I do for myself. These little mundane tasks bring me back into perspective to why I do what I do for you.

At about 265 days in, and I began to ask the bigger questions, and they were highly personal. I mean that was my goal for taking the course, but I took note that I was in fact doing that. I began challenging myself.

Something that is in my father that I don’t agree with, is inside of me.

All the experts say that people are in your life to teach you, and to recognize that when you don’t like something about someone, that it’s actually something that you don’t like about yourself. It’s a mirror behavior.

I don’t feel like my father and I have much in common – we have different religious and political agendas, we have totally different ways of operating tasks. But we do have a similar sense of independence. And we (have) similar attitudes when it comes to why to get something done. And that last one – the attitude – I always used to think I liked that, that it bonded us. But this attitude as much as I enjoy it – it just doesn’t work for me anymore. It was creating friction, and I was genuinely confused as to how to approach this.

I don’t remember it being a source of friction before, why did it change? Because I changed. I grew. I developed. I shifted. My approach to life is from a new perspective. My stance and reason hold new positions. My father and I have different life experiences after all.

One would think that a new way for doing life, for improving life, and recognizing where it comes from should be easy to do – but I found it to be a bit hard. Yes, I struggled with it. Because in order to do so, I had to let my father inside me go, and I had to meet my self. I got to create who I really want to be. …This is not the same as figuring out what you want to be when you grow up.

Creating who you are to become is to be done gently, mindfully, strategically – because you’re wise now. You now understand what consequences means. You’ve felt failure, fear, and you built a wall around your heart for protection. Creating who you are to become means you become vulnerable – to the nth degree. It means you have to be creative, willing, and ready. You know you have to tear down those walls, only to build new ones. You teeter on creativity because you think you need a template. You learned those lessons – now you have to go through them again, but expect different outcomes. Because you can’t undo.

Back to processing – It was enough motivation for me to realize that my attitude wasn’t mine – for me to want to change it. I like to be responsible. I like to say I’m authentic. I want to speak from my heart – not anyone else’s. And that means this part of me was calling to be healed, and I opened myself up to my purpose.

Purpose! That’s another one. Purpose isn’t about a career change, or job, or title – it’s about why we’re here. It’s about teaching the unconditional language of LOVE. It’s about unity, and harmony.

And to love others, you must first love yourself. And this is a process.

So me honoring my true self, discovering, creating who I really am and who I want to be in life, so that I can do in life. And you can too.

Just do it. Nope. It doesn’t work that way. There are layers to sift through. Tools are needed to cut through the stains (wounds). Relationships change as you shift, and others don’t make the cut. There’s constant adjustment happening. You’re always learning. You’re always adapting. The key is to keep strategizing.

How exciting is that?! To allow the innocence to lead you. That’s the part I’m excited about – the changing. I’m stepping into my innocence. Because at too young an age I was told to instead step forth with fear. And I have been imprisoned ever since. My attitude was to go in strong, and demand my presence. To be a force. To make sure everyone knew what I needed.

So many people take me for being a strong woman. And really, I do still agree – I am strong, because I did overcome – a lot. But I want more peace in my life now. I no longer want to always have to be up against the resistance. My energy has always flowed out, and I’m growing tired. Like everyone I have a self-care practice, but it’s more than that. My true self is a peaceful woman. She’s ready to face whatever, because of her wisdom. She can do so with grace because she’s had lessons. People emulate her because she has the where-with-all. It isn’t really strong when it comes from fear. Now, I feel, it is stronger to approach from Love. And that’s almost uncommon. It’s not what we see on TV. It’s not in the streets. Fear creates drive. But Love is a driver. Love is a force much easier to receive with, once you learn how easy it feels. It’s easier to give with Love, if only you’re brave enough to really try it, step into it.

  • Lisa Karasek is an expert Quantum Healer. Using ancient, multi-dimensional healing and angelic energies, Christ-Consciousness-based practices, and TRE® (tension and trauma releasing exercises) to guide individuals through their alleviation of struggle. Lisa is able to update her client’s states of being and assist in their healing, powerfully guiding them to a healthier, happier, and more purposeful life. Lisa is dedicated and passionate about helping you work with the dynamics of your self-relationship and believes this is the key to most Mind Body Spirit disease and illness. Lisa Karasek is Certified as an Eating Psychology Coach, TRE® Facilitator, Energy Healer, and is an Intuitive. Find more information about her and her programs at www.LK-CEPC.com.

 

Advertisements